ADHD Unfiltered: Podcast

Author's Note: This is a 20 minute podcast my good friend Claire and I made for a class project. Please note that there is an explicative around the 17:25 minute mark. Below is a transcript (because it can be hard to follow our conversation). Enjoy!

Podcast Transcript: ADHD Unfiltered

Aseela Galeeb and Claire Compton

Intro music.

Aseela Galeeb: Hello, hello, hello! This is Aseela

Claire Compton: And this is Claire

AG: And we are doing a podcast! And it is called ADHD unfiltered. This is episode 1…

CC: Out of…probably no more

AG: Yeah. So before we begin, we just wanna do a little disclaimer- these are our experiences and we don’t speak for the entire neurodivergent community, and we’re not medical professionals or anything. So, if you or a loved one struggle with these symptoms, please seek medical help and don’t rely on a podcast as a diagnosis, we’re just teenage girls, we’re not experts or anything.

CC: And before we begin, we want to establish a definition of ADHD. ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and it is a neurodevelopmental disorder which limits dopamine production in your brain, which controls pretty much everything you need to be a functional human and productive member of society, and we’ll go in depth with that later.

AG: And now it’s time for…

Short music jingle.

AG: Dopamine Debunkers! A really specific game show where we quiz each other on what we know about ADHD.

CC: I’ll go first. What does ADHD stand for?

AG: Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.

CC: Deficit, but yes. (laughs)

Ding sound.

AG: Deficit.

CC: Deficit.

AG: (laughs) Ah, whatever! Okay. What is the difference between ADD and ADHD?

CC: Well, the H, so one’s hyperactive and one’s not, even though there’s a lot of overlap.

Ding sound.

AG: Do you have the H?

CC: I have ADD plus the H.

AG: So, ADDH.

CC: Combination. (laughs) Yeah, pretty much.

AG: Okay. What genre is- genre?

CC: (laughs)

AG: What gender is more diagnosed with ADHD?

CC: Uh, male.

Ding sound.

CC: Yeah, because they’re more likely to show the hyperactive, and so it’s easier to be like, “Oh, hyperactive!” Okay. Is ADHD considered a disability under the Americans With Disabilities Act?

AG: I hope so…?

CC: Yes.

Ding sound.

CC: It’s a developmental disability.

AG: Nice. Well, not nice, but that’s better than nothing. ADHD is a chemical imbalance where you have low…blank.

CC: Dopamine!

Ding sound.

CC: True or false- some people with ADHD struggle with talking fast and without a filter.

AG: Very much true.

Ding sound.

AG: Okay, now a fun segment where we’re gonna break down the stereotype, and we’re gonna do it rapid-fire. You go first.

CC: Okay. It’s caused by your phone and TikTok.

AG: False.

Ding sound.

AG: But Fox News might lie to you and say true.

CC: Probably, yeah.

AG: It’s caused by excessive sugar and food coloring.

CC: No.

Ding sound.

AG: Only kids have ADHD.

CC: (sigh) False.

Ding sound.

AG: Next!

CC: It’s harder to get diagnosed as an adult.

AG: True?

CC: Mm-hm.

Ding sound.

AG: Okay. You may grow out of it.

CC: True, actually.

Ding sound.

AG: Really? You may grow out of it?

CC: Yeah, well, we missed the age, it’s puberty typically.

AG: Agh, darn it.

CC: But that’s if you’re really lucky.

AG: Not fair.

CC: ADHD is a superpower!

AG: My god…

CC: People who have it are heroes! They can do anything they put their mind to!

AG: No!

Ding sound.

AG: (laughs) It’s not true, it’s not a superpower, it sucks!

Short music jingle.

AG: Let’s talk about the effects of ADHD that most people don’t really know about and the ones we’ve experienced. Okay, so I guess an important definition is hyperfocus. So a common misconception is that ADHD is just, like, a lack of attention, but it isn’t really. The name is stupid and we should change it.

CC: (laughs)

AG: Um, it’s basically like dysregulated focus, so sometimes you can be unable to switch from one task to another, and you get kinda “in the zone” and a lot of people experience that, but people with ADHD have it more severe and dangerous, um, and it can lead to some not great things.

CC: Yeah. And another term is hyperfixation, which is an extreme interest of someone with ADHD and it can last anywhere from a few days to a couple years, or a year, yeah. A long time. And it can be beneficial if you’re fixated on a specific thing. But you’re unable to do anything else like basic functions such as eating, hygiene, sleep, without thinking about the hyperfixation, which means it’s a lot harder to get those tasks done and you’re more likely to fail. Basically, your brain is constantly seeking stimulation and dopamine, and when you find it, it’s like a gold mine.

Cash register cha-ching sound.

CC: Some of our personal examples include…

AG: Me and bread-baking. Oh my god. The beginning of quarantine, I got really, really, really into bread-baking. I don’t even know how much money we must have spent on flour alone. Just constantly in the kitchen cooking- it wasn’t even good, it was bad. (laughs) I just like, had this desire to do it and I just kept doing it, over and over, and it was not good.

CC: Yeah, that’s fair. I hyperfixate on people, and that sucks.

AG: Yikes. Oh, that’s creepy.

CC: Yeah! No, because, like, I go through waves where I’m like “I’m best friends with that person” and then like...I just…yeah, no. That makes it really hard to maintain friendship when you’re constantly like, “sorry I kinda lost interest” (laughs) Which is so bad, but, you know.

AG: Like, being really close friends with someone in your head...that kind of leads into our next point so good job with that… seamless transition, Claire.

CC: Yup!

AG: Do you want to take it?

CC: Yes. So lesser-known effects include Rejection Sensitivity Disorder, which is a hypersensitivity to rejection and failure and its typically couples with anxiety. So, you’re hypersensitive to failure, or being rejected, or saying something wrong, or having someone be disappointed. It’s basically anxiety times, like, insanity.

AG: That’s true. But also, because sometimes you’re like if “I can’t do it perfectly, I’m not even gonna start”, and I think that comes from there, like “I know I can’t do it right, so there’s no point in doing it” which is not good.

CC: I’m not a perfectionist but I’m like “well, I mean...” (laughs)

AG: Yeah. Emotional dysregulation, so basically your moods are on a roller coaster, and you have trouble controlling them. Kinda like your period but worse because it’s constant. Um, and this is kinda impulsive behaviors, like taking risks and you can lash out at people. You have…If you’re having a bad day, like I have capital G and capital B, Good days, and Bad days…

CC: Yeah.

AG: And one little thing can make it a Bad day and it has to be that way for the rest of the day.

CC: There are some days where I’m, like, perfectly fine, and there are other days when I’m sitting at the table, and I can hear my mom chewing…

AG: Yeah! Oh my god!

CC: I wanna throw her across the table, and there are other days where I completely don’t even notice it, and it’s totally fine. But I always feel so bad because I’m always like, you’re chewing, and you need that to eat…

AG: My sister wears headphones to dinner, yeah…

CC: But I’m also like, “I’m going to kill you!”

AG: But also just, it sucks, because you end up yelling at people or you…

CC: Make rash decisions…

AG: Yeah! Especially in places you feel anxious like social things…you do things…

CC: You say the wrong thing…or…

AG: Yeah! Yeah.

CC: Yeah.

AG: Not fun.

CC: Not great. Struggles with motivation, because dopamine, the thing we lack, controls pretty much everything, and without it you can’t do like, showering or homework, even when you know that thing is important, you just can’t really start it or finishing it or everything.

AG: Like studying for APs.

CC: Yeah. A lot of neurotypical people also experience this, like doom-scrolling or having to count before you get up to just do it, but it’s a lot more common with people with ADHD, and it’s also kind of linked to depression-

AG: And anxiety.

CC: And anxiety. I feel like, with ADHD, if you have it, you have everything. (laughs)

AG: You have everything. (laughs)

CC: It’s grabbing everything from everywhere.

AG: Also this can happen a lot, where if you have anxiety and you’re sitting there, and you know you need to do something, but you just cannot get up and start it, even though everything inside you is telling you you need to do it- it’s the worst feeling because people are like “just do it!” It’s like oh my god, I’m gonna kill you-

CC: Facts.

AG: Like, I can’t. I physically can’t. And then you get stuck in this bubble and then sometimes it leads to you having an anxiety attack or all kinds of things.

CC: Yeah. Or it’s the worst if you…if you know you need to get up because you’re anxious, but your depression is making it so that you can’t get up and your brain is literally fighting, and for some reason ADHD just comes in and is like “What if I made this so much worse?”

AG: (laughs). Also, struggles to follow instructions. You see this a lot on report cards where it’s like, “Claire’s a lovely student who struggles to follow instructions.”

CC: (laughs)

AG: They’re just, kinda overwhelming and…if you do get instructions but if you don’t, its not great. It’s really bad because it’s one of those examples where ADHD makes absolutely no sense and it’s really, like, what’s the word? Like, it says one thing and does the other thing. Like, hypocrite, kind of?

CC: Hypocritical?

AG: ADHD is a little hypocritical, yeah.

CC: Yeah.

AG: I mean sometimes it can be helpful, like step-by-step plan or like a to-do list or something, but that also has to do with anxiety…um, but also you kind of feel claustrophobic and stuck when you have too many rules. I avoid the public pool because that massive list on the wall of rules makes me really anxious and makes me feel really bad, like closing times and showering before and after and the different whistle types and all that stuff.

Background sound of pool splashing.

CC: And I am the opposite. Meaning I love those things written out, so I don’t have to use context clues or basic understandings.

AG: See that’s the weird thing though. Like, it depends. I don’t like overwhelming rules like the stupid pool, but I like steps, if that make sense. So, like when someone gives me verbal directions to find the bathroom, or reading out the rules to a board game, I just, I don’t like that at all, but I do like stuff like the airplane safety brochures-

CC: Yes!

AG: And they all have the, like, scenarios and pictures-

Plane seatbelt ding sound.

AG: That’s also an anxiety thing.

CC: Probably. I don’t know, but I also, I love…Something about airplanes, I just love it because you know you’re traveling, and depending on where you’re going it’s exciting. I just love flying because then I get a little fruit and cheese platter.

AG: What? No, when I fly, I’m so anxious when I fly it’s the worst, I’m so freaked out the whole time.

CC: Because I can watch any movie that I can’t watch normally. Like, I love flying so much.

AG: (laughs) Well, that’s nice, and you see really nice views and stuff like that-

CC: Ah, screw the views-

AG: What? No!

CC: My movies!

AG: The fight over the window seat is just…yeah.

CC: I used to always fight over it but it sucks because my dad’s always on the aisle because he refuses to be anywhere else, and if I have to pee, but he’s plugged-

AG: Yeah!

CC: He has his headphones in, he has his computer plugged in, he’s like on life support, and in order to get to the bathroom I have to either climb over him, or have him undo everything, and then-

AG: He get’s so mad-

CC: He’s like “Are you kidding me?” and I’m like “I have to pee, sorry!”

(Both laugh).

CC: So, about intrusive or impulsive thoughts.

AG: Yes, yes.

CC: People don’t know the difference because impulsive thoughts are things that come to mind that you want to do, and intrusive thoughts are thoughts that come to mind that…

AG: You do not want to do…

CC: Yeah, because like…

AG: It would be bad if you did.

CC: Impulsive thoughts are typically like, on the lesser end, like, “Oh! I really want to dye my hair,” but intrusive thoughts can be, like, horrible…

AG: Like, “I’m gonna impulsive buy this lollipop” versus “I’m gonna burn this store to the ground.” (laughs)

CC: Yeah, stuff that’s morally incorrect is a lot of intrusive thoughts…

AG: Hitting people…

CC: Hitting people, like…

AG: When you’re in a fight with someone and you just want to smack them, or do something and you’re like, “Oh my god, that is not me, what is happening, this is so scary.”

CC: Yeah, no. The worst ones are like, “I wonder what would happen if, like, this person died” and I’m like “What the hell?”

AG: I know, yeah!

CC: But it’s the worst because if anyone else were to hear it, they’d be like, “You’re a horrible person!”

AG: “You’re insane!” Yeah!

CC: No one wants intrusive thoughts because they’re things that you shouldn’t be thinking of, but you can’t really control it. Which is what people don’t understand. They’re like, “How could you even think that?” And you’re like, “It’s not my fault!”

AG: Especially as a teenager, there’s a lot of things about the world that you’re thinking of, that you weren’t thinking of as a little kid…

CC: Yeah.

AG: And when it gets to be an action instead of a thought…that’s bad.

CC: Yeah.

AG: And you end up like…

CC: Doctors being assholes…for real. They diagnose you and then un-diagnose you and then re-diagnose you seven years later.

AG: Yikes.

CC: Yeah. Which makes it very difficult to explain your medical history. If they’re like, “So you had it, then you didn’t have it, and you have it again?” And I’m like, “I don’t know, man.”

AG: It can also be physical. A lot of the stuff we’ve talked about is more mental but there’s a lot of physical stuff, obviously.

CC: Besides just, like, fidgeting.

AG: Yeah. You have all this…you’re trying to find… I don’t really know how to explain it. But you’re trying to find…

CC: Stimulation?

AG: Yeah. Stimulation. So you’ll bounce your knee or tap on your desk, or whatever it is, and drive other people crazy, but you have to stimulate yourself in some way. So you’ll doodle or you’ll talk or…things like that. It’s not just when you’re bored; it can be in any situation. It’s just that your brain isn’t getting all of the good feelings it wants.

CC: Yeah.

AG: Yeah.

CC: Yeah, no. Which sucks. It’s like, I’m such a hypocrite because when other people are like, clicking their pen-

AG: Yeah! Agh!

CC: I’m like, “Can you shut up?!” But then I do it, and I’m like, “What?”

AG: (laughs). Yeah, irritability. You just kind of act like an ass, like all the time.

CC: Yeah, all the time. (laughs) Impulsive shopping!

Overlapping conversation about impulses.

CC: For some reason, I’m very cautious about money. Especially if it’s in cash. If it’s on card, I’m terrified because every time I open my bank, I check my amount, then I buy something, and I immediately check my bank gain to make sure it went through, and calculate…

AG: Anyone could be like, “That sounds like me!” Especially teenagers or people who are, just in general, kinda more restless…

CC: Yeah, anyone who has anxiety or…

AG: Yeah, I don’t really know…There’s just like, sometimes where it’s…

CC: It really, it comes down to a chemical thing.

AG: It is, it’s chemical.

CC: You’re not searching for something to do because you’re bored, you’re searching for something to do because you lack the chemical dopamine.

AG: Yeah. And it’s difficult to, kinda, explain, when you don’t have that thing, because everything you say can be kinda relatable.

CC: Yeah. And even if you do have the thing, we’re still struggling! (laughs)

AG: Yeah!

CC: Because it’s not really a deficit…it’s, like dysregulation…

AG: Well, it is.

CC: It’s dopamine-deficit/hyperactivity…they should change it…But it’s more like your attention is put somewhere else, where it shouldn’t be.

AG: Yeah. It’s like, instead of it being funneled through a chute, you have just a pool of it sitting there and you don’t really know what to do with it…and then…

CC: Yeah.

AG: Also, women do not…like women and girls don’t get diagnosed at the same rate as boys do. Because that’s more the…

CC: When you think ADHD you think of young children, and specifically young boys.

AG: Yup. Oh, yeah! Fidgeting- skin picking. My lips and my nails are just beyond repair at this point because I just keep picking at them. And like, it’s really bad but you just can’t help it. Also anxiety.

CC: The worst thing is I have this neck tic, and it hurts because I’ll do it very fast, and like, in class. So the amount of times when I pretend I’m just looking at the ceiling like “Okay, it’s fine.”

AG: Can we discuss “Use a planner”?

Booing sounds.

AG: Oh my god! Because if you’re like, “I struggle with planning-”

CC: Journal! Shut up!

AG: “Just write down all your to-do lists and use a planner!” Oh my god.

CC: The amount of people who say that…

AG: Like, it helps some people. But it doesn’t help…it’s not gonna suddenly give you dopamine. That’s not how it works!

CC: That’s like when people try to cure depression by going on a walk. Like, bro.

AG: Like, maybe it’ll help you a little bit…

CC: There’s a difference between mental health and mental illness! Mental health is like, yeah, journaling! Nature! Mental illness is like medicine! Therapy!

AG: (reading off computer) Oh, wow, this is fun. It’s a neurotransmitter involved in movement, memory, pleasurable reward and motivation, behavior and cognition, attention, sleep, mood, learning…that’s a lot of things.

CC: These are a lot of…

AG: No website or book for, like about ADHD is for people with ADHD.

CC: Yeah! Oh my god!

AG: They have the worst design, just, looks like a block of text, I’m gonna die if I look at this…

CC: (looking at computer) Ooh, let’s see what BS this is.

AG: I remember when my parents were struggling to get me to do stuff like practice viola or do my homework or clean my room and things like that, so we had this massive chart above the fireplace where it would be like, we tried three different versions. One was money, so you get paid if you do things. Like if you get an A, then you get 50 cents or whatever-

CC: I think that’s a universal thing.

AG: No, but, it didn’t work. It worked for my sister but…then it was like food! We’ll take you out for dinner, we’ll do these things! Nothing worked.

CC: Yeah, my parents tried punishments, rewards…

AG: Nothing! Just nothing at all.

CC: The amount of charts that we made-

AG: So many charts!

CC: Or, like, contracts-

AG: Contracts? Me too!

CC: For some reason, every parent is like, “You know what the solution is?”

Both: A contract!

AG: I know! Oh! I felt kinda bad when I got my diagnosis, like, “I’m sorry, I did not do this on purpose.”

CC: No, for real. My favorite thing is like…(reads) Exercise? Fuck you!

AG: Okay, that whole thing of like-

Overlapping conversation about how much we hate this.

CC: I know, I know exercise-

AG: Exercise, exercising gives you like, what’s it called?

CC: Dopamine!

AG: Really? It does-

CC: It does give you, like, but shut up!

AG: Agh! That’s in Legally Blonde!

CC: Dear god.

AG: Oh, endorphins. That’s what it’s called. But it doesn’t just fix everything-

CC: So stupid!

AG: Ahh!

CC: Because it doesn’t like, solve ADHD.

AG: No one who writes these articles has ADHD.

CC: No.

AG: It’s just funny how lack of dopamine leads to all these things. Like how does a chemical imbalance lead you to, like, doodle all over your paper? It’s really odd, I feel like.

CC: I know.

AG: These are also, like, very…

CC: Extreme!

AG: It’s the extremes, right? Where it’s like, “if you have ADHD this can lead to schizophrenia!” Like, yeah, but also, the most common things are just like, Claire and I. We’re just sitting there, and you’ve ripped apart your nails, and you’re doodling on your hand, and you’re getting all Fs. That kind of thing.

CC: Yeah. Well, I get all Fs. You don’t.

AG: I get mostly Fs. It’s okay. Oh, test anxiety. Do you get, okay, ADHD in schools. When you put two people with this kind of ADHD that we both have in a room together…just pure chaos.

Music jingle.

CC: So, clearly, ADHD is weird and complicated. Even people with it can’t really explain it or understand it. So be nice to neurodivergent people in your life. Give them time, repeat yourself if they need to, and don’t call them lazy.

AG: And don’t call them superheroes!

Both: I hate that! (laugh).