To Be

To be an anxious girl

Is to see that the world isn’t always fair.

It’s watching sexist white men rip your rights right out of your hands.

Your hands, with their ink-stained fingertips and bitten-down nails.

To be an anxious Muslim girl

Is to know that someone, somewhere will hate you without knowing you.

It’s that fear-filled tension following you until you return home.

Home, where your mom helps you do your hair and calls you guria*.

To be an anxious Muslim girl and older sister

Is to be told, “watch out for her, share with her, be kind to her”.

It’s seeing an annoying little girl follow in your footsteps,

Your footsteps, which you know she’ll outgrow soon.

To be an anxious Muslim girl, older sister, and writer

Is to feel millions of unnamed words filling up your mind.

It’s the feelings you can’t seem to harness and anchor to words,

Words, which will always be there, but will never be enough.

*Doll, in Urdu